Conquering Self-Doubt and Overthinking — Feeling You Are Not Good Enough

Everyone fails or falls short of some goal. Our mindset determines how we frame these events, affecting our attitude and emotions. Learning the techniques for conquering self-doubt and overthinking can improve our mindset.

When our self-talk promotes self-doubt, we set ourselves up for more failure. The statement always feeling not good enough exemplifies this kind of negative self-talk. It’s a way we program our mindset to blame and criticize ourselves.

When we do this, we program our minds to think we are inferior. We need to learn how to prevent this slippery slope of negative thinking. It’s easier to change the course of thinking the sooner you realize you are slipping into unhealthy thinking.

Dealing with Always Feeling Not Good Enough

Negative emotions can come from either internal or external triggers. A common experience is to be self-critical when we try something and cannot meet the goal. It hurts. Sometimes, the emotional turmoil can be so intense the pain becomes physical. Our feelings take over our awareness. Our focus is on failure. Everyone has these feelings from time to time. (1)

People who are always feeling not good enough often struggle with self-doubt. This can have a significant impact on your attitude and emotional wellbeing. When you think you do not deserve something, it can make you feel sad and anxious. This feeling can come from comparing yourself to others and thinking they are better than you. It can also come from past experiences where you were criticized or made to feel like you didn’t measure up.

Feeling You Are Not Good Enough is a Mindset

This mindset can make you doubt your abilities and fear trying new things. You might worry a lot about making mistakes or what others think of you. Over time, this can lower your self-esteem, which is how you feel about yourself. When your self-esteem is low, you might not believe in yourself or your potential.

Feeling you are not good enough can also cause overthinking. You might spend a lot of time worrying about things that have already happened or might happen in the future, making it hard to focus on the present and enjoy life.

It’s important to recognize these feelings and understand that everyone has doubts sometimes. Learning to be kinder to yourself and focusing on your strengths can help improve your mindset and make you feel more confident.

Negative mindsets that promote self-doubt and overthinking come from various sources. One common cause is past experiences. When people face criticism or failure, these negative moments can linger in their minds, making them doubt their abilities in the future. Perfectionism is another factor that makes us feel we must do everything perfectly. The fear of making mistakes can lead to constant overthinking and stress.

Comparing oneself to others also plays a significant role. In today’s world, especially with social media, people often see others’ successes and feel inadequate in comparison. This leads to the feeling you are not good enough to meet these standards. Imposter syndrome is another cause, where individuals feel like they are not as competent as others perceive them to be. Despite their achievements, they believe their success is due to luck and fear being exposed as frauds.

Societal pressures contribute to a negative mindset. Society establishes lofty benchmarks for achieving success and happiness. Religion plays a significant role here. One religious concept that affects many is the idea of original sin. Here, religion instills the belief that we are inherently flawed, and the only way to overcome this flaw is to become a follower. Feeling they don’t meet these standards can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Understanding these causes is the first step towards overcoming them and developing a positive mindset.

Techniques for Conquering Self-Doubt and Overthinking

We need to conquer the mantra of always feeling not good enough. It’s not impossible. We can eliminate or minimize our exposure to harmful stimuli. Stay away from social media that promotes right-wing propaganda. This includes Fox News, which is a known promoter of propaganda, and all Western organized religions that promote the return to the dark age and backward morality.

1. Remove the Source

The best way to overcome self-doubt is to remove the stimuli of the external sources that trigger or contribute to these negative feelings. Don’t attend religious gatherings or social media. Turn off Fox News and other sources of harmful propaganda.

The key is to use it as soon as you realize your self-worth is being challenged. (2) Some people have more reasons for their negative feelings than others. However, those who learn to handle these situations protect themselves from this slippery slope. One of the first techniques for conquering self-doubt and overthinking used by therapists is avoidance.

Sometimes, those around you will see what’s going on with your feelings and try to offer advice. They may say things like stop being so negative. This kind of advice doesn’t help; it only magnifies your emotions. You could feel angry that others see your emotional weakness. You could feel embarrassed because others see you are upset.

A person raised in a healthy family is equipped to live a confident and independent life; someone from an unhealthy family is filled with fear and self-doubt. He has difficulty with the prospect of life without someone else. The devaluing messages of control and manipulation create dependency so those who most need to leave their family of origin are the least equipped to do so. — Christina Enevoldsen

Another common situation is when you are alone and your inner critic takes over. Now, you can re-experience the pain of any past, present, or potential failure. Feelings of inadequacy prevent us from trying new things, taking calculated risks, or moving forward with plans.

So, we have two sources of negative information: internal and external. Our ability to think clearly is undermined when we live with the mindset of always feeling not good enough. We must learn a healthy coping strategy to keep us from slipping into this unhealthy thinking pattern.

2. Reframe Blaming Statements

Reframing is one of the major techniques for conquering self-doubt. We do this by reframing the question. We start by adding the word yet to blaming statements: I’m not yet where I want to be. I’m not there yet. I may not be good enough yet, but I’ll get there. Adding one word removes the definitive negative self-judgment. It turns a blaming statement into a motivating statement.

The easiest thing to do, whenever you fail, is to put yourself down by blaming your lack of ability for your misfortunes. — Washington Irving

Overthinking and self-doubt are the mantras of our inner critic. We can’t shut off the inner critic, so we need to have it work for us instead of against us. Does that sound like a good idea? Yes, it is. By removing blaming statements from our inner critic, we turn judgment into encouragement and motivation.

When we reframe negative self-talk into positive language, we take steps toward conquering self-doubt and overthinking. Here’s an example.

Some movements in gymnastics can be physically and mentally challenging. I recall my experience learning to do a flyaway dismount from the high bar. It looks simple enough—all you do is let go. But many things can go wrong, which starts you down the slippery slope of feeling you are not good enough to do this trick.

Instead of staying focused, you worry about letting go too soon and shooting out flat on your back. Or you could let go too late, in which case you come back into the high bar. Once you start thinking of the negative possibilities, fear kicks in, and you are likely to fail. The only way to do the gymnastic trick is to think of the positive outcome and what it would feel like to do the move correctly. You conquer your fear by visualizing what it’s like to succeed.

3. Turn Negativity into Gratitude

If you drop something, you can be sure it will fall; that’s gravity at work. So make sure it falls on something soft when you drop something, and it won’t break. This is the technique we use in negative situations with heavy emotional gravity. These are the big things: losing a loved one, job, or health.

These are heavy emotional situations that need to be dealt with. If you stay stuck with negative emotions for too long, it can spiral into depression and other harmful thoughts. Seek professional help if you can’t shake the negative thoughts on your own.

One technique that works well is to focus your attention on gratitude and forgiveness. Even if this doesn’t work long-term, it can give you short-term relief. So, if you’ve lost a loved one, think of all the good times you shared. If you lost your job, consider what you’ve learned and the positive things you can take forward.

Writing a list helps. Writing slows down your hyperactive mind. For those who are always feeing not good enough, this is a way to recognize the triggers behind this negative mantra.

Forgiving someone who has caused you physical or emotional harm helps release you from carrying the burden of their actions. It doesn’t keep your inner critic from bringing it back up, so forgiveness and gratitude are things you need to do more than once if you are going to break the chain of negative thinking.

4. Find Survivor Partners

Sometimes, talking about your situation with other people who have had similar experiences can help you understand that you are not alone in dealing with the problem. This one of the techniques for conquering self-doubt that helps you build resilience. It doesn’t make the problem disappear, but camaraderie goes a long way to healing the wounds.

So, start by moving away from the victim’s role. You want to be a survivor, but don’t stop there. Surviving is a place to rest, not live out your life. You want to find your way to thriving and enjoying life.

5. Use a Spiritual Journal

If you started writing things to be grateful for, here’s a good place to keep track. Many people journal. A dream journal is the first tool of the serious spiritual explorer. We recommend the use of a paper-based journal. You’ll have several. They are your best coach because they record what you think and feel. We have several excellent reference tools to help you get the most out of this essential learning and self-improvement device.

6. Meditate

Many people can learn or already know the basic two-step meditation technique that can calm their minds. But we forget it when we are involved in an emotional battle. So, don’t just learn to meditate; practice it daily.

It’s in the silence that I’m most able to hear the tiny voices that tell me I’m not good enough, smart enough, or cool enough. I try to hear them for what they are: my own creations.  Sitting with them, letting them speak, hearing them out, and giving them back the silence that I’m now sitting in has shown me that, quite often, they shut up. — Eric Lange

It’s amazing how much more clarity we have if we only meditate for two minutes. Meditation is like the reset button on your computer. It fixes a lot of problems just by shutting down for a few minutes. All the negative stuff gets cleared away, and the computer can operate more efficiently, just like your mind.

Summation

References

(1) When You Never Feel Good Enough: psyccentral.com
(2) Emotion-Focused Coping Techniques and Exercises: psycentral.com