If you have friends who support harmful ideologies, what do you do? Navigating changes in friendships can be challenging. Knowing when to save or break a friendship can have lifelong consequences.
Political views are core issues. There is a clear divergence between the two ideological positions. On one side, there is an emphasis on progressive policies that enhance the rights of everyone. These ideas include improving healthcare availability, tackling climate change, and social justice reforms.
The other side wants to create a dictatorial state with a controlling oligarchy. The model is like The Handmaid’s Tale. They want to take away rights to personal autonomy, as exemplified by the overturning of Roe Vs. Wade.
Two Impossible Choices
Deciding when to save or break a friendship can be a life-changing event. When religious and political values differ, it isn’t a problem as long as both sets of values are positive. It is only a problem when someone becomes involved in negative thinking and values.
The farther apart people become in their thinking and values, the harder it is to maintain a healthy friendship. It’s a problem when one person’s values are tainted by harmful bias and prejudice.
It is difficult to maintain a friendship with someone who supports the return to the Dark Ages (1). We don’t need to be a country like Saudi Arabia, controlled by religious and racial bigotry. Ask yourself these questions. Can you truly be friends with someone who tolerates bigotry and condones racism and political corruption? Is it wise to do so? You must decide when to save or break a friendship over these issues.
This conflict of ideologies creates the dilemma of two impossible choices. The first approach is to see if you can change their minds. It will require a considerable investment and also means maintaining ties with someone who rejects your core values. It is often not successful because they have immersed themselves in propaganda.
If you decide to change their minds, realize that religious and social bigotry are ideologies that are difficult to overcome. It is possible but not easy. Chances are, they have relationships that will keep them cemented into their biased thinking. They will probably continue to expose themselves to the programming of self-hypnosis and group hypnosis. So, they will continue to reinforce negative stereotype thinking and values.
Propaganda uses self-hypnosis and group hypnosis to promote various ideas. These powerful tools overcome both intellect and reason. Four billion people believe in the Abrahamic (4) religions.
We know these mind control tools are effective. Judaism, Christianity, and Islam use these brainwashing techniques. It’s how they gain and retain their customers. They ingrain religious, ethnic, and racial prejudice. These values are used to justify everything from genocide to genital mutation. It is their goal to impose the brutal standards of the pre-modern era.
Navigating Changes in Friendships
Friendships can change over time, and that’s okay. One way to navigate these changes is by talking openly with your friends. If something is bothering you, let them know in a kind and calm way. Speaking up helps clear up misunderstandings and strengthens your bond.
Learn to be flexible and understanding. People grow, and their interests might change. Try to find new activities you both enjoy or be open to their new hobbies. It can help you stay connected even as things change.
It’s also important to spend time with different friends. This way, if one friendship changes, you still have other friends to hang out with. It can make you feel less lonely and more supported. Remember to take care of yourself. If a friendship is making you feel bad, it’s okay to take a step back. Focus on friends who make you feel happy and valued.
Knowing When to Save or Break a Friendship
Here are the different vantage points to consider when navigating changes in friendships:
— The Personal Value
— Social and Moral Implications
— Psychological Impact of Toxic Friends
— The Historical Context
Personal Values
Friendships can bring value to our lives. We reflect the values of those we invite into our lives. (3) The value of relationships grows with time—the more things you have in common, the more value you place on the relationship.
The best relationships are those built on shared values. Healthy spiritual values provide a solid foundation. Work and hobbies bring people together. We can build connections, but they may not share the same values.
Shared interests and experiences can be the glue of relationships. However, experiences and interests are not the same as core values. When core values differ, it becomes more difficult to agree. Shared interests and experiences are not enough to overcome differences in values.
You may decide to retain the friendship because of the time and effort you’ve put into it. A meeting of the minds requires a frank discussion of facts, not just the resulting opinion. There are no such things as different facts, only different opinions.
If you stop discussing conflicting points of view, you grow apart. Ignoring these issues will create a divide that will erode the relationship. The gap will increase the more polarized the ideologies become. You must discuss important issues to maintain honesty in navigating changes in friendships.
For example, let’s say you lived in Germany in the 1930s, and your friend supported the National Socialist German Workers’ Party (Nazi Party). The gap in your relationship would likely grow as the Nazi party became more radical. Do you see this happening today in the Republican Party?
If our well-being is attached to a relationship, we may overlook harmful values. However, this will not prevent us from feeling the effects of their harmful values. For example, because of financial ties, some people condoned the activities of the Nazis. They didn’t like what the Nazis were doing. They singled out marginalized groups as scapegoats. In this way, they had someone to blame for any issue. This justified rounding up minorities and placing disabled people in sanitariums. The Republican Party of 2024 in the United States mirrors the ideology of the Nazi Party in the 1940s.
Let us remember at the end of World War II, those who supported the Nazi regime tried to hide by kindling friendships with those who fought against tyranny. It’s no surprise those who supported the insurrection of January 6, 2021, are trying to suppress prosecuting those involved. Many of them remain in places of political power. They want to cover their bigotry by claiming you as a friend. It is why they seek sympathy and reconciliation to escape prosecution. All the while, they continue the plot to resurrect Trump and others with the same prejudiced views.
These issues are just as much spiritual as political. They do not relate to the historical life of their spiritual leader, Jesus. Today, they champion building walls to keep out immigrants. They forgot their families were once immigrants. They condone the use of automatic weapons to defend the honor of their imaginary friend, even if it means more gun violence.
One way to change your friend’s mind who has slid down the rabbit hole of conspiracies and bigotry is to highlight the facts. Sometimes, facts cannot convince the hard-line believer. Facts rarely change the mind of the extremist. They need to believe so much that they deny any rational discussion. It isn’t a new strategy; Galileo discovered cognitive dissonance long before the field of psychology was born.
By denying scientific principles, one may maintain any paradox. — Galileo Galilei
People learn to deny facts. If your friend frequently denies the facts or tries to change the facts, it will frustrate everyone. You may decide it is time to break the friendship. Before you do this, examine the next vantage point concerning the social and ethical implications.
Social and Moral Implications
As children, we had two social lessons to learn, share and be kind. These two principles are the foundation of our social and moral compass. If you don’t learn these lessons, it shows when you become a greedy, self-centered adult. Do you see any of those around?
Everyone has guiding principles that support their thinking. Even criminals like the mafia have a code of conduct. For them, it is all about family values. They could commit crimes against everyone except those in the family.
Religious beliefs are the force behind war and genocide. It is done in the name of God. A chosen one mentality gives them the right to do anything if God tells them. It doesn’t matter what it is. They use God to justify everything from gender mutilation to mercy killings. They cannot see how negative bias and prejudice color their thinking.
From the examples above, you can see our relationships have social and moral consequences. We determine these values in each one.
Psychological Impact of Toxic Friends
Having toxic friends can really affect how you feel and think. When a friend is mean or makes you feel bad about yourself, it can lower your self-esteem. You might start to believe the negative things they say about you, which can make you feel sad or anxious.
Toxic friends can also make you feel stressed. If you’re always worried about what they might say or do, it can be hard to relax and enjoy your time with them. This stress can affect your mood and even your health.
Another impact is feeling lonely. Even though you have a friend, if they are toxic, you might feel like you can’t really talk to them or trust them. It can make you feel isolated.
Lastly, toxic friends can make you doubt yourself. You might start to question your own decisions and feel unsure about what to do, which can make it hard to feel confident and happy.
It’s important to recognize these signs and take steps to protect yourself. Surround yourself with friends who make you feel good and support you.
It comes down to two impossible choices. Do you try to save the friendship with someone who wants to return to the dark ages? I don’t want to go back. How about you? The Dark Ages (1) was from the 5th to the 10th century when the Church had the power to persecute. It turned its wrath upon science and anyone who questioned its authority. Many of those in the Church express their desire to return to this type of control. They want The Handmaiden’s Tale to be a reality.
How long do you try to persuade someone with this type of mindset? Can you do it while minimizing the psychological impact of toxic friends? It means staying friends with someone who wants to return to the Dark Ages. It was a time when religious extremists fought to destroy science and common sense. Do you want to carry the stigma of being associated with racists and bigots to save a friend? It would help if you weighed the personal relationship’s value against the moral implications and historical context.
The other things to consider. Will breaking the relationship be the motivation to spark their awakening from the hypnosis? Or will isolation make them turn to greater extremism? Would it be possible to resurrect the friendship at a later time if your friend changes their mind about their extremist or hard-line conservative viewpoints?
This programming directs the values of your core beliefs. It’s the reason people with religious beliefs cloister together. It is a relationship based on shared beliefs, no matter how unhealthy and skewed.
Second, in a hybrid approach, the first choice is to maintain partial contact and plant seeds. This last choice has only a tiny chance of success, but it is safer. Finally, the last option is to break ties and hope they will find their way. It separates you from being contaminated by their toxic beliefs.
The Historical Context of the Friendship
Personal relationships are a different story. Here, you have more latitude. What do you do when a friend supports a criminal enterprise? It brings up two impossible choices. When to save or break a friendship?
They did not excuse those who joined or supported the Nazi party after the war. Those who were a part of or supported the regime were held accountable. Finally, they did not forgive those who said nothing and kept silent. Their silence was tacit approval of the Nazi’s actions.
All three groups, the stanch hard-line believers, the supporters, and those silent, contributed to the Nazi party’s climb to power. They all share the blame and shame for allowing it to take place.
Those who spoke out against tyranny had the moral high ground but were persecuted. However, they could not remain silent. Their moral compass would not allow them to ignore the situation.
Ask yourself, what do you want your legacy to be? Will you speak out or be silent? Will you hold personal relationships with someone who aligns with the modern Nazi party, bigots, or racists?
Strategies for Ending Toxic Friendships Gracefully
Here are some strategies that can be used to end toxic relationships.
1. Take time for self-reflection. It is helpful to make a list of your differences. Understand the psychological impact of toxic friends in your life.
2. Have an honest conversation. Talk to your friend about your feelings using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory.
3. Set healthy boundaries. Clearly define what behaviors are unacceptable and stick to these boundaries. This includes using political language and symbols.
4. Gradually create distance. Slowly reduce the time you spend with the friend to ease the transition.
5. Seek support. Talk to other friends or a trusted adult for advice and emotional support.
6. Stay calm and kind. Approach the situation with empathy and avoid blaming or arguing.
7. Focus on positives. Spend more time with friends who uplift and support you.
8. Be firm. If the friend doesn’t respect your boundaries, be firm in your decision to step back.
9. Closure. If needed, have a final conversation to provide closure for both parties.
10. Move forward. Focus on your well-being and personal growth after ending the toxic friendship.
Template Conversation For Ending Toxic Friendships Gracefully
First, talk to your friend honestly and calmly about how you feel. Use “I” statements, like “I feel hurt when…” Avoid blaming statements that contain “you”. Explain your position using facts. See if they are willing to change their position.
If they continue to hold harmful ideological positions, tell them you need to step back from the relationship. This may include cutting off communication, even blocking them from calling or texting.
Spend more time with other friends who make you feel good. Remember, it’s important to be kind but firm. You deserve to be around people who respect and support you and your ideological position. Ending toxic friendships gracefully enables you to move on with a clear conscience.
In Conclusion
Sometimes, navigating changes in friendships leads us to a crossroads. Deciding when to save or break a friendship is a difficult decision that requires deliberation. You will need to weigh the psychological impact of toxic friends against the possibility of changing their minds.
We know it is difficult to change someone’s mind when they are immersed in religious and political propaganda. When your attempts to talk facts fail, you may need to resort to strategies for ending toxic friendships.
We see how religion affects our lives as a tool to influence politics. Sadly, politics and religion are intertwined. We elect and appoint people with hidden agendas and secondary gain issues. It is like living in a disaster movie. Hang in there.
References
(1) The Dark Ages: Wikipedia
(2) Social Relationships and Health: A Flashpoint for Health Policy: National Library of Medicine
(3) What Are Your Personal Values? The Harvard Business Review:
(4) Abrahamic religions: Wikipedia